Blagconic V2.01

deconstructing black friday (a helpful guide for retailers)

Posted on: November 26, 2009

here’s a hint into American Culture: the term “black” is narely used to describe something good.  hello…has anyone ever read the play Othello?  read “The Lottery” by Shirley Jackson?  read anything by anyone that has influenced or was influenced by american literature…?  The color black is a symbol for Evil, its very mention a formidable foreshadowing of events that will most likely lead to someone’s death.  Not to mention that, very often, the color black is Literally tenebrific, like the last 46 days without sun.  Red, on the other hand, makes us passionate and hungry.  It represents drama, intrigue, and sexy lingerie.  Why not Red Friday?  …the day to commit wholeheartedly to that which makes you a better self: Shopping!

when it comes to Black Friday, the link between black and red isn’t all that far off.  after some quick research, i found that some historians think the coinage of the term was in representation of ye old bank books going from In the Red to Back in Black by none other than FDR–that great spender of money who brought us a *new* economy, which relied even more on the sale of goods than ever before (!).  but even if i were nequient to find that particular explication waaaaay down on the google search list (you see it down there…all the way at…number…Five!), i could still easily learn–from that most horrid and unreliable of sources we’ll just refer to as W, in order to save my job–that Black Friday wasn’t coined to describe something pleasant, useful for marketing gurus and retailing execs everywhere.  it’s BLACK FRIDAY.  duh!

actually, i’m not “learning” here (are you?), i’m confirming a suspicion that’s been nagging at me this week as i have been continually bombarded by those savvy advertisers on Facebook–I always click on those pesky ads that pop up! Don’t you!?!–to take advantage of their “Black Friday Sales.”  having previously dated an anarchist who would never have participated in anything carrying The Stank of Capitalism, i, indeed, at one time knew that Black Friday isn’t a “holiday” nor a “license to go on a shopping spree in the name of helping the very same economy that has so royally screwed my entire friends, family and community-at-large in the Ass.”  it’s Actually an anti-holiday: a lack of celebration in which the good people of the USA, e.g. {some} residents of cambridgeport along with the governor of new mexico, band together in the fight against capitalism (sort of like the cold war, only more boring) and Don’t Shop.

*screeeeeeeeeeeeech* {record player stops}

WHAT?  not shop on Black Friday, that holiest of days in which retailers take even more advantage of us than they would on any other “normal” shopping day???  You. Must. Be. Joking.

but yes, dear reader.  this practice does exist.  there are people who don’t shop on Black Friday.  pleasedon’thitmei’mtellingthetruth!!!

in the writing of this, it occurs to me that perhaps the anarchists were the ones to re-interpret the name “Black Friday.”  if it’s true that a traffic cop or some ad guy in Philadelphia was responsible for the moniker, which was really just meant to describe the god-awful amount of traffic on their city’s streets, then–hey–i can see how it might have become the name for the day in which we ALL spend too much money, thus ingesting our bank accounts with a god-awful amount of traffic.  thus, if we don’t spend too much money, we’re dishonoring all that is sacred about the ensuing season of commercialism, which would obviously be the point for those against Black Friday.

still, i don’t think it makes a good gimmick.  what true American wants to participate in something “Black,” unless you fancy yourself the Dark Knight or Darth Vader or Malcom X or something.  this november, i vote for Red Friday.

Possible Ad Slogans:

  • Have you ever wanted to be on the Red Carpet? Go shopping on Red Friday, and you’ll feel just as beautiful and successful as Angeline Jolie in couture!

okay, i can only come up with one, but it should be a good jumping off point for those savvy advertisers (see reference above).  also, the color red can easily be twisted into something dark, though in a more subtle way (i.e. The Joker’s lips, “Paul’s Case” by Willa Cather, the recent showtime phenomenon “Dexter”).  so anarchists, too, will be completely satisfied with this change.  it’s a win-win, which… isn’t very American.  oops.  i guess it’s a good thing i’m not president.


1 Response to "deconstructing black friday (a helpful guide for retailers)"

what are you thoughts on a workplace “not naming ANY NAMES…AHEM…that requires you to work on “said day”? REQUIRES…how f-ed up is that? sigh…welcome to “working for the man again…

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